The Lived Experience of Ambiguous Marital Separation

Abstract

Researchers have long treated marital separation as a transition that inevitably and linearly leads to divorce, even though not all separations end this way. The small number of studies examining separation as a marital status distinct from divorce is limited in scope; most of this research is concerned with prevalence, separation outcomes, and marital instability following a separation. Popular sources suggest that some couples separate without clarity about how the separation will end, often for the purpose of assessing whether to divorce or stay married. However, no research on this this kind of ambiguous separation has yet been done. With a sample of 20 currently separated persons from various locations around the United States, I employed a hermeneutic phenomenological design to inquire about the experience of being separated from one’s spouse when the separation was initiated without knowing how it would end. Special attention was given to women’s experiences of this phenomenon. Six essential themes emerged from the interviews: 1) Our relationship feels ambiguous, 2) separation is a private experience, 3) separation is a lonely experience, 4) there are benefits to separating, 5) separation is not sustainable, and 6) the way out is unclear. A discussion of the implications for the study findings is provided.