Hello,  this  is  Christy  Callabg, host  of  Vital  Connections  on  Air. We  have  been  experiencing some  really  difficult  things  in  the  last  few  months, and  we  know  that  there  are  more  challenges  ahead. At  the  Center  for  Community  Vitality, we  have  been  working  to  bring  topics  and partners  together  through  webinars and  articles  since  the  end  of  March to  get  you  the  information  that  you  need. Now  I'm  going  back  to  those  educators  and  asking  them  for updates  and  insights  on  what  we should  be  doing  in  our  current  context. I'm  sharing  small  parts  from these  long  conversations  over the  next  several  weeks  so  that  we  can  listen, reconnect  with  ideas,  and hopefully  take  the  next  small  steps. Here  is  part  of  my  conversation  with  Denise  Stremmy  and Lori  Rostein  as  we  reflect  on  their  April  7  webinar, focusing  on  what  you  can  choose, the  art  of  calming  the  overwhelm  the  two  of  you  led a  webinar  for  us  that  was  entitled focusing  on  what  you  can  choose,  calming  the  overwhelmed. I  still  feel  like  today  my  mind  is  just  overwhelmed. Is  that  just  me  or is  that  just  what  the  world  is  right  now? Yeah,  I  hear  that a  lot  from  a  lot  of  people  that there's,  there's  a  lot  going  on, things  are  changing,  but  yet  they  still  feel  wrong. I  think  for  me  too,  I  feel  it may  feel  a  little  bit  different  than  it did  really  like  the  11  weeks  ago or  wherever  we  are  at  from  this. But  I  think  it's  somewhat  uncertainty  that  we're  still in  and  still  trying  to  figure  out  what  life  looks  like. I  would  say  too  that  life  usually  is  uncertain,  right? And  the  fact  that  it's  just  been  up a  few  more  degrees  is  making  things even  harder  because  we  always have  that  need  to  make  choices  and  decisions. But  when  our  brains  are stressed  and  our  minds  aren't  calm, it  just  makes  it  that  much  harder. Can  you  guys  talk  a  little  bit about  what  stress  is  doing  to  our  brains? Yeah,  stress  is  really our  brains  response  to  any  stimulus,  right? It's  not  just  a  negative  thing, and  often  we  associate  stress  as  a  negative. But  it's  our  body's  way  of  saying,  hey, something's  up,  something  changing, something  different,  something's  happening. Wake  up,  pay  attention. But  it's  when  there's  a  lot  of  it, when  we're  less  able  to  navigate  it, that  it  can  feel  heavy  or a  more  negative  stress  that's  happening. But  basically  what's  happening  then is  something  comes  in,  we  have  a  response, our  brain  is  picking  up  a  signal,  something  around  us. Maybe  it  was  a  sound  that  just happened  or  an  experience  we just  had  and  that's  coming into  our  brain  through  our  migdal,  right? So  that's  kind  of  the  area  in our  brain  where  we  process  our  emotions. That  sends  a  signal  to  other  parts of  our  brain  called  hypothalmus,  for  example. That  is  in  the  control  center. And  says,  hey,  what  should  we  do  about  this? What  should  we  do  about  this  noise  that  happened? Is  it  something  I  can  just  let  go? Or  is  it  something  that  I  should  really  respond  to? So  it's,  it  begins  to  communicate with  the  rest  of  our  body. And  you'll  maybe  notice  that  where  like  you'll  hear something  and  something  happens  and  you can  feel  your  whole  body  tensing. Or  you  can  feel  maybe  it's that  sweaty  palms  or  something in  your  gut  happening,  right? So  it's  sending  signals  throughout  not  just  our  brain, but  our  whole  body  trying  to  figure  out, should  we  stick  around, should  we  take  off,  should  we  do  something  differently? So  that's  kind  of  what  the  stress comes  into  our  migdal  is  happening. But  what  we  want  to  do  is  be  able  to  get  to  the  part  of our  brain  that's kind  of  the  more  thinking  part  of  our  brain. That's  called  the  prefrontal  cortex. And  that  allows  us  to  have a  more  rational  response and  to  make  a  decision  around  something. So  we  can  not  just  be  in  our  emotions, but  be  more  controller and  more  in  the  thought  center  of  our  brain. I  don't  know  if  it's  ever  going  to get  to  my  prefrontal  cortex. I  just  don't  feel  like  we're  getting  there. And  I  think  that's  one  reason  why  we talk  about  a  calm  mind,  right? That  it's  not  all  in the  thought  processing  and  it's  not  all  in  the  emotions, but  it's  a  calm, nice  relationship  between  the  two. We  were  always  in  our  prefrontal  cortex. We  would  continually  be  stressed  also  because  we'd  be trying  to  do  decision  after  decision  after  decision. Like  Lori  said,  if  we  stay  in  our  emotional, it  affects  our  whole  body. If  we  can  have  a  calm  mind. And  that's  why  often  they  talk about  taking  three  deep  breaths  or doing  a  grounding  meditation just  to  get  your  mind  a  little  bit  more  calm. It  can  react  in  a  way  that's  more  positive. I  think  I  shared  with  you  too that  you  reach  those  moments  where  you  just  feel  like, okay,  we've  been  in  this  long  enough, my  mind  should  be  calm. I  should  have  figured  this  out  by  now. Which  then  probably  just causes  another  whole  stress  response,  right? But  I  mean,  it's  normal  in  times  like  this  where  there is  all  of  that  uncertainty  that  it's  hard  to calm  our  mind  and  move into  some  of  that  rational  thought,  right? And  I  think  what  you're  bringing  up right  there  is  like  I  heard  you  just say  a  lot  of  should  really what  we're  doing  when  we're  getting that  calm  mind  piece  or  when  we're  able to  access  our  whole  brain  and  move  in  there. Is  we're  able  to  rewire  and  start getting  rid  of  those  I  should  feelings and  to  more  be  like  this  is  where  I am  and  acknowledge  the  where  we  are. So  we  can  take away  some  of  that  expectation  around  there. And  so  we  can  really  be  back  in that  choice  of  focusing  on  what  can  I  choose. So  we  can  remove  those  should  out  of  our  conversation. And  those  expectations  around the  parts  that  we  don't  have  as  much  control. For  example,  for  a  really  strong  word, right,  Control  over. And  so  we  can  really  just  focus  on the  areas  where  we  are  able to  focus  and  make  a  difference,  right? And  building  on  that  too  is  that we  have  control  between  a  stimulus  and  response. It's  just  that  we  don't  always  realize  that  we  do. It's  starting  to  understand  that  we have  that  control  in  that  space. And  what  can  that  look  like  for  us? Is  it  getting  control  of  the  emotions, working  to  encourage  our  best  selves  in  that  moment? How  can  we  be  better? In  that  gloria  said, if  you  can  take  away the  shoulds  and  instead  say  what  can, then  that  helps  shift  your  thinking  to, it  makes  it  a  bit  easier  to  get  into that  decision  making  and  to  realize  that  choices, Ru  Chang  talks  about  this, that  hard  choices  aren't  a  right  or  wrong  choice. It's  that  when  choices  are  on a  par  and  there  is  no  right  or  wrong  choice. And  so  you  have  to  base  your  decisions on  something  beyond  right  or  wrong. And  once  you  start  to  do  that, you  can  start  to  forgive  yourselves. A  little  bit  more  about all  those  should  that  are  going  around  in  your  head. And  I  think  that  that's,  you  know,  when  you  talk  about Ruth  Chan's  work  and  Christie, I  can't  believe  that  I'm  still  in  this or  like  I  can't  believe  all  these  still  going  around. It's  like  because  there  has  been  this  kind  of, maybe  a  tornado  going  around, a  different  pieces  of  swarming, of  reinventing,  even  what  that  looks  like. And  when  we  talk  about  the, um,  the  Ruth  changes, works  really  around  thinking, how  do  we  then  focus  on  our  values? How  do  we  focus  on  what  matters? Because  there  are  the  right  versus right  kind  piece  for  each of  us  that  might  look  a  little  bit  different. Those  hard  choices. What  are  some  of  those  values  that  we  want  to  stand  out? So  we  can  say,  I  don't  really  know, there's  not  something  clear  here, but  I  do  know  what  my  value  is, that's  that  leading  from  inside  out  kind  of  piece. What  does  that  look  like  for  me? And  that  might  look  different  or  it  may actually  outwardly  look  some  of  the  same. But  the  reasons  behind  that  might  be  different  because my  values  are  a  little  bit  different  than Denise's  are  or  than  yours  are. Yeah,  I'm  so  glad  you  brought  up  the  values,  Laurie. Because  what  we've  learned  then  is  that  when you  are  authentic  or  you  make your  decisions  based  on  the  values  that  are  true  to  you, you're  more  satisfied  with  the  choices  that  you  make. Because  you  can  continually  compare  your  choices and  your  options  against everything  that's  out  there,  right? You're  never  going  to  be  satisfied because  there's  always  something  that's  a little  different  and  might trigger  a  different  response  in  you. But  if  you  can  say, I  am  making  this  decision  based  on  these  values, who  I  am  and  who  I  want  to  be  in  this  decision, you're  going  to  be  much  more satisfied  with  the  decisions  that  you  make. Yeah,  I  feel  like  that  should  be  stitched  on a  sampler  or  something  and  put  up  on  the  well. Because  it's  absolutely  true  if  you  feel comfortable  with  the  decisions  that  you're making  and  you  know  that  it's helping  you  be  the  best  that  you  can  be. It  just  helps  you  to  feel  more  calm and  more  grounded,  I  feel  like. Yeah.  And  it's  the  best  you  can  be  in  the  moment,  right? So  it's  remembering  that  we're making  these  decisions  and  we're calming  the  overwhelmed  in the  moment  that  we're  in  right  now. So  there's  a  lot  of  other  things  swirling, but  where  can  I  influence  where  I  am? But  I  can  pause  in  that  moment  between the  stimulus  and  the  response  and think  about  where  am  I  right  now? What's  the  decision  I  want  to  make  right  now  With the  values  that  who I  am  and  how  I  lead  and  what  I  know with  what  I  know  right  now,  right? So  that  can  give  us  that  grounding  piece  of  it. I  think  one  of  the  things  that  I  have  learned  over the  years  is  that  we  don't  always  have  to  have that  long  pause  in  every  decision  we  have  to  make. Instead,  it's  that  idea  of  simplifying  the  decisions. You  make  every  day,  eat  the  same  thing  for  breakfast, wear  the  same  shoes. Simplify  those  decisions,  because  every time  you  have  to  take  a  pause  between  that, what  should  I  wear  today  and  then  actually  doing  it. You're  wasting  your  willpower. You're  wasting  energy. It  creates  more  stress, more  and  more  responses. If  you  can  simplify  your  decisions, then  you  can  spend  really  good  brain  time on  those  other  that  really  need  a  big  pads. That's,  that's  really  important  to  think  about. You  brought  up  willpower,  right? So  sometimes  we  like  to  think that  willpower  is  a  characteristic,  right? That  it's  like  something  we  have  or  something  we  don't. But  the  fact  is  we  all  have this  like  finite  storage  of  mental  energy,  right? And  that's  really  what  Boomister  talked  about, Roy  Biomester  and  now  one  of his  colleagues  who's  at the  University  of  Minnesota,  Kathleen  Foes, that  they  did  a  lot  and  even  I  can't  remember, it  was  like  20  years  ago,  a  long  time  ago  and then  updated  more  recently  in  2016. Looking  at  willpower.  And  it's a  misnomer  to  think  that some  of  us  have  it  and  some  of  us  don't. This  kind  of  characteristic  character  flaw, and  a  lot  of  it's  around  that it's  just  that  we  need  to  conserve  it, that  it's  a  finite  piece, we  can  use  it  up. And  so  what  did  Zs  is  talking  about? About  these?  How  can  you  simplify  our  decisions? Or  what  can  you  take  out  of  your  life  that you  just  don't  have  to  decide  today? Maybe  it's  the  time  you  wake  up, by  the  time  you  go  to  bed  or you  know  exactly  what  she's  saying, what  do  I  have  for  breakfast  in  the  morning? That  the  more  we  can  get  through  some  of the  harder  points  in  life  right  now, what  are  those  things  that  you  can  really  take  out? Some  of  the  hard  pieces  when some  of  the  things  are  really  interesting? The  willpower  piece  is  that  you  know, and  it's  recognizing  that  it's  even more  depleting  for  us  to  be  in a  time  of  uncertainty  versus knowing  that  a  bad  outcome  is  going  to  happen. Being  in  the  Unknown  piece  is  harder. Part  of  that  as  leaders  is  to  help  people  think  about, well,  this  is  what  I  do  know, even  if  you're  not  sure  the  what  you can  take  away  some  of  the  communication of  the  how  this  is  when  I  am  going  to communicate.  This  is  what  I  do  know. It's  kind  of  remove  some  of  those  barriers. So  we've  been  seeing  or I've  been  seeing  and  hearing  from  people  that the  more  communicative  or  when people  are  clear  about  the  pieces  that  they  do  know, it  helps  to  just  take  out  some  of that  other  noise  that  is really  interrupting  our  daily  lives that  we  don't  need  to  know  right  now. It's  a  piece  that  we  don't  need  to  focus  on. And  that  leads  in  nicely  to  Jennifer  Gutman's  work. She's  a  clinical  psychologist when  she  says  that  the  first  step  in  building your  self  confidence  is  to  realize  that  you can't  make  a  mistake  in  making  your  decision. As  long  as  you're  trying  to  just  be  yourself, to  be  authentic  with  yourself. Thank  you  to  Laurie  Rostin  and Denise  Stramy  for  this  conversation. I  look  forward  to  sharing  more  from  our  chat  with  you. In  a  future  episode, please  visit  the  University  of  Minnesota Extension  Center  for  Community  Vitality  webpage  at Extension  Community  Development  where you  will  find  links  to  Lori  and Denise's  two  for  you  series, as  well  as  our  April  7  webinar and  resources  to  help  calm  the  overwhelm. Make  sure  to  follow  us  on  Facebook and  Twitter  to  stay  up  to  date  on new  research  and  resources for  communities  and  those  who  lead  them. We  hopefully  you  will  join  us  for our  next  episode  of  Vital  Connections  on  air, and  please  stay  well.