Hello,  this  is  Christy  Calibg, host  of  Vital  Connections  on  Air. We  have  been  experiencing some  really  difficult  things  in  the  last  few  months, and  we  know  that  there  are  more  challenges  ahead. At  the  Center  for  Community  Vitality, we  have  been  working  to  bring  topics  and partners  together  through  webinars and  articles  since  the  end  of  March to  get  you  the  information  that  you  need. Now  I'm  going  back  to  those  educators  and  asking  them  for updates  and  insights  on  what we  should  be  doing  in  our  current  context. I'm  sharing  small  parts  from these  long  conversations  over the  next  several  weeks  so  that  we  can  listen, reconnect  with  ideas,  and hopefully  take  the  next  small  steps. Here  is  the  second  part  of  my  conversation with  Uri  Rostein  and  Denise  Rummy. As  we  continue  to  discuss the  art  of  calling  the  overwhelmed. I  know  that  I've  had  friends  that  have  brought  this  up. Well,  Denise,  you  and  I've  even  talked  about  it  that  we had  like  the  long  list  of books  that  we  were  going  to  get  read. I  don't  know  about  you,  Denise, but  I  still  haven't  crossed  many  books  off  of  my  list. Zero.  That  makes  me  feel  better. I  have  friends  who  had  huge household  projects  they  were  going  to do  during  this  time  of  stay  at home  and  things  just  aren't  getting  done. I  feel  like  that  leads  into  choice  too, that  it's  were  other  choices  that  we  needed  to make  in  that  moment  that  we  didn't  get that  project  done  or  we  didn't  get  that  book  read. But  how  can  people  come  to  terms  with  the  fact  that they  didn't  get  all  of  those  grandiose  things done?  Any  thoughts  on  that? Well,  part  of  it's  framing  what  is  this  time,  right? But  in  this  time, we  had  to  continually  re  frame  in the  challenge  around  what are  my  values  and  what  comes  to  the  top. And  so  the  value  might  have  shifted because  life  shifted  in  the  middle  or  we didn't  realize  the  intensity  of all  the  pieces  coming  in  around  the  parenting or  time  it  would  take  for  the  schooling  or  what  it looks  like  to  manage  two  people  for  working  from  home. Right?  Some  of  those  values  conversations  that  you  can, you  can  look  about  that  and  say maybe  it  was  like  what  around  those  books? What  value  maybe  did  you  want  to  have? Or  why  did  you  want  to  get  through  those  books,  right? Or  what  was  that  value  that  you  were looking  for  at  the  beginning  of  that? Maybe  look  at  what  did  I  do, what  did  I  accomplish, what  are  those  pieces  that  I  did? And  then  check  out,  are  those  values  similar? Maybe  you  actually  accomplished  some  of the  same  value  pieces  of  that. You  just  did  it  in  a  different  way. A  couple  of  tangible  things  just  going  on from  my  life  Here  is the  idea  of  shifting  your  mind on  what  little  winds  are  you're  going  to  celebrate. Are  you  going  to,  you  actually made  a  breakfast  today  rather  than painted  half  of  your  house  or  celebrate that  you  put  on  something besides  sweat  pants  in  the  morning. It's  trying  to  find  the little  wins  that  you  can  celebrate, that  you  can  still  feel  good  about. That's  one  another  thing  is  to  change  your  triggers. Like  Christie  said,  I  have  a  box  of books  knowing  I  was just  going  to  get  through  all  these  books. These  are  books, nonfiction  books  about  stuff  I  like  about  work. It  was  sitting  right  in  front  of  me  for  four  weeks. I  felt  so  guilty  every  time  I  saw  the  box  of  books, that  I  actually  put  the  box  of  books behind  and  around  a  corner. It  doesn't  continually  trigger the  guilt  or  that  I  should  be  doing  that. I  also  was  going  to  do  a  lot  of painting  on  the  trim  of  my  house  and I  was  going  to  do  it  in  that  first  week after  work  every  day. I  just  started  in  one  window  at  a  time  and felt  good  about  that  and  felt  good  about  the  next  window. I  think  it's  changing  how  you're  going  to  celebrate, but  then  also  moving  those  triggers. If  you  don't  want  to  feel  guilty about  the  house  projects, put  the  can  of  paint  away, put  the  ladder  away, and  just  be  okay  with  the  choices  that you're  making  from  moment  to  moment. That  reminds  me  of  the  work  around grief  that  they  talk  a  lot  about  when  you are  grieving  the  loss  of  a  loved one  or  a  job  or  a  marriage, or  what  have  you  that  you  need to  celebrate  those  small  wins  to  do  what  you  can  today. I  think  that  that  just  triggered  in  my  mind  that it's  also  acknowledging  this  time of  grief  that  we're  in  too, whether  we  necessarily  realize  that  or  not. Oh,  yeah.  Every  change  brings  a  loss. When  I  was  teaching  a  series  of  workshops  last  summer, when  I  would  say  that  I'd  get  like half  a  dozen  hands  raise  up  and  say, I  don't  get  that,  why  would  a  change  create  a  loss? I  said,  well,  any  time  you  change  any  pattern, you  create  a  of  behavior  as  of  a  movement, a  loss  of  an  emotion. These  losses  don't  have  to  be  of  people. They  can  be  little  things  that  you  don't really  even  think  about  a  los,  of  an  emotion. We  don't  think  about  those  types  of  things. Loss  of  relationships,  of  pattern,  loss  of  ritual. There's  a  lot  of  things. And  it  comes  back  to  that  point  of, what  are  you  doing  to  honor that  space  between  the  stimulus  and the  response  that  is  continually presenting  you  throughout  your  days? What  can  you  do  in  that  space? Is  there  a  way  then  to  honor  the  loss  in  that  space? Yeah,  and  also  just recognizing  that  we  have  emotions  and  it's okay  to  have  emotions  and  we  don't  have  to  hide  those. We  have  tended  to  frame emotions  around  positive  emotions  or  negative  emotions. Right?  But  if  we  can  remove  that  from  our  mind, it'd  be  like,  again,  it's  a  piece. Like  it's  this  idea  that  I  shouldn't  be  feeling  this. But  just  to  recognize  that  we  have  them  for  that  reason. They're  there  because  they're  valid. It's  important  to  feel  grief. It's  important  to  feel  lost. It's  important  to  feel  sadness  or  worry, right?  Those  are  part  of  that. What  does  that  mean  for  me  right  now? And  what  do  I  want  to  do  with  that? And  how  do  I  want  to  respond  with  that? Right?  So  that's  that  pause  piece  of  it. It's  just  like  recognizing  and  understanding  it. And  then  figuring  out once  you  know  what  that  is,  what  do  I  want  to  do  with  it? How  do  I  want  to  move  through? Laurie's  touching  on  Dr.  Susan  David's work  and  research  around  emotional  agility. You  can't  really  be  agile  with your  emotions  unless  you  can  name  what  those  are. And  then  you  want  to  get  to  what  she  calls  walk  your  y, walk  your  authentic  self. But  if  you  can't  even understand  your  emotions  enough  to  give  them  a  name, you're  not  going  to  be  able  to  pivot  or  experience those  thoughts  and  emotions  in  a more  healthy,  positive  way. I  think  part  of  that  understanding  is really  the  allowance,  right? It's  okay  to  feel it  unless  we  do  pause  part  of  that  understanding. Because  we  tend  to  brush,  we  tend  to  move  forward. We  tend  to  say,  okay, I'm  just  going  to  move,  it's  not  a  big  deal, I'm  fine,  fine,  right? Like  this  really  part  of that  understanding  is  really  a  welcoming. It's  really  this  like  I'm willing  to  feel  you  and  I'm  willing to  be  here  with  you  for  a  little  while. Sadness,  think  of  character  in,  inside  out. Right.  Like  yeah,  I'm  willing  to  be  here, right?  Like  it's  okay. And  I  think  that  that's  part  of  that  move  through. You  can  move  through,  you  can  be  emotionally  agile. I  think  we're  going  to  see more  of  that  need  of  allowance  as we  transition  into  more  social  lives  again. And  not  to  say  that  we  haven't  been  social  online, but  to  get  around more  people  who  are  maybe  more  fearful  than  we  are  at this  time  or  less  fearful  than  we  are  or  ready  to pretend  that  things  are  the  same and  others  thinking  it's  never  going  to  be  the  same. We're  probably  going  to  be experiencing  different  emotions  but also  more  common  emotions in  different  situations  that  we're  not  expecting. I  think  allowing  that to  be  there  and  to  recognize  that  and  to  be  in that  space  before  you  respond  will  help  us  too  in making  the  choices  that  feel  feel  right  for  us  as  we. I  think  that's  important  as a  leader  really  to  think  about  that, not  to  expect  everyone  in  our  team  and  our  organization, our  community  as  well,  right? Not  to  expect  people  to  be  feeling the  same  thing  and  even  if  they're  outwardly maybe  kind  of  seeming  that  they're  why the  they're  there  might  be  a  little  bit  different,  right? So  like  being,  thinking  about  their  fear  or their  sadness  or  they're overwhelmed  might  be  from  a  different  reason,  right? It  might  be  because  they  have  their  kids  at  home. It  might  be  because  they  lost  their  business. It  might  be  because  their  mom  is  sick. We  have  all  of  these  different  pieces to  think  about  what's happening  right  now  and  to understand  that  as  we  do  kind  of  re, engage  and  move  forward. And  it's  not  a  straight  line. We're  going  to  be  just  like  any  other  time  with  emotions, but  where  we  are  in  a  pandemic  experience, it's  not  a  straight  line. And  we're  going  to  be  kind  of  on  a  roller  coaster. And  people  aren't  going  to  be  on the  same  ride  at  the  same  time,  for  the  same  reason. So  as  a  leader  really  to recognize  that  and  give  the  space  to  allow  for  that, I  like  the  roller  coaster  analogy because  it's  even  on  a  roller  coaster, depending  upon  where  you  sit, you  have  a  very  different  ride. You  know,  and  so  I  think  that  that  works  well  for  this. What  are  some  strategies, or  maybe  even  your  favorite  tip, to  help  either  calm  the  mind, make  a  choice,  or  just  center  yourself  as  people  enter into  this  next  stage  of  finding  our  current  reality. Yeah,  I  think  one  thing  we  tend  to  demise. I  both  like this  really  simple  meditation  called  I  am  Here. And  it's  something  you  can  do  anywhere,  right? But  it's  just  centering  with where  you  are  and  presenting  your  mind. So  it's  here  with  your  body, which  it's  amazing  how  often our  mind  is  adrift  and  something  else. So  it's  really  the,  it's  really easy  if  you're  able  to  close  your  eyes, but  just  take  a  couple  deep  breaths. And  as  you  breathe  in,  you  say  to  yourself, as  you  exhale  here, right,  I  am  here. Even  as  I  do  that  right  now,  even  just  one  breath. But  if  you  can  get  do  two  or  three, it's  really  just  allowing your  physical  body  to  work by  bringing  more  oxygen  to  your  brain, into  your  vagus  nerve  throughout  your  whole  system. But  it  just  really  allows your  mind  to  open  so  you  can  be  more compassionate  and  peaceful  and  access that  whole  brain  piece  and  just  reset  and  recenter. I  love  that  one. Another  one  that  I've  grabbed onto  the  last  couple  years  is  that  idea  of choosing  one  to  three  decisions  that  I  can simplify  each  day  even  before  I'm  out  of  bed  thinking, okay,  or  the  beginning  of  the  week,  Monday  morning, I'm  having  oatmeal  for  breakfast  every  single  morning, don't  even  have  to  think  about  it. Or  this  week  I  am  going  to  do  this. I'm  taking  the  really  simple  decision, making  a  choice  right  then  and  there. I  don't  have  to  ruminate  each  time  I  do  it. If  there's  one  to  three  decisions  that you  can  simplify  in  your  life  today, just  make  that  commitment  and  do  it. It's  amazing  how  much  time  you  have and  how  much  brain  energy  you have  for  the  tougher  decisions  when  you  can simplify  the  simple  ones  in  your  life. Thank  you  to  Lori  Rostin  and Denise  Stremy  for  this  conversation. I  look  forward  to  sharing  more  from  our  chat  with  you. In  a  future  episode, please  visit  the  University  of  Minnesota Extension  Center  for  Community  Vitality  webpage at  Extension  Community  Development, where  you  will  find  links  to  Lori  and Denise's  two  for  series, as  well  as  our  April  7  webinar and  resources  to  help  calmly  overwhelm. Make  sure  to  follow  us  on Facebook  and  Twitter  to  stay  up  to  date  on your  research  and  resources for  communities  and  those  who  lead  them. We  hope  that  you  will  join  us  for our  next  episode  of  Vital  Connections  on  air, and  please  stay  well.